


Start of Something New

by Diddle_Riddle



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, The Question (Comics)
Genre: Eddie doesn't love until he gets hurt, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Selina is a good big sister, Supportive Selina, The Riddler has a new question he must solve, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-07 17:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18237809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddle_Riddle/pseuds/Diddle_Riddle
Summary: Edward hates just as he loves: with passion.





	Start of Something New

Hatred is a strong word. It implies a deliberate resentment towards a person or a situation, a neat and justified anger inspired by a sight, a thought or a memory.

When one truly hates someone, especially here in Gotham, they should wish nothing but their immediate death; more likely coming with great suffering, in the most harrowing situation and painful way imaginable. _This_ is hatred: wanting nothing else than to get revenge, or if the wrath is directed at past memories, feeling nothing but _rage_ taking over whenever one thinks of said events.

And Edward knew the feeling. Hell, he knew it _very well_ , and _way too much_.

He hated his father. No hesitation required, nothing to deny there. He hated his childhood bullies, for adding to the traumas and the insecurities gained at his old man's hands. He hated the persons who beated him up, raped him, _broke_ him and damaged him even more than he already felt, when he was a homeless teen newly arrived at Gotham City, before he became the Riddler. And he hated every single person who abused him since then, both physically and psychologically. The Arkham staff (guards and doctors alike), the other inmates, the thugs he had to work with or fight against, and the heroes he confronted.

One could conclude he hated all his opponents, all the people who raised a hand on him and hurt him. But _that_ was not completely true. Because if it was, then it meant he should hate more than anyone the two men he _loved_.

Yet he never hated the Batman. He was his intellectual match, his... reflexion, in some way. The one who kept his mind sharp, who had him entertained, the one who _played_ with him and saved him from boredom. The one who reminded him that he, Edward Nygma, was _someone_. No one else than Batman managed to make him realize he was _alive_. Even if their shared moments ended in bruises, broken pride and bones, screams, tears, and blood; before the Bat returned him to Arkham after he is done with him.

And he never hated Jonathan. Jonathan whom he looked up to, whom he admired, _worshiped_ even. He always did _anything_ to have his attention, to be worth his stare, to be allowed to... stay with him. He regularly gave Jonathan everything he could, offered him everything he _is_ , just to have a _smile_  from the professor in return for all his efforts. And he never stopped feeling this high praise and this burning _desire_ to matter to him. Not after the numerous fear toxin injections, not after the several betrayals, during schemes and in their private life equally. Not after the bruises, the needle wounds, the burns, the cuts, all the scars left, in his flesh and mind. Not after the broken promises.

Batman, Scarecrow. He never hated them in spite of everything they did to him. In spite of all these years being desperately in love with both of them, and never receiving nothing but hurtful remarks, dismissive words, punches in the face, broken bones and various kind of injuries.

There. Those were the two men he loved.

Loved and not hated. He couldn't tell where it stood precisely, but he felt the difference. He sensed it, he could see the invisible border between the two feelings. This border drawing the opposition between persons who hurt him and therefore he loathed, and the... other ones, whom hurt him _even more_ in their way, who damaged him _further_. Yet he still considered this second category as love, he still _claimed_ it was passionate, and that Jonathan and Batman were different from his other abusers.

All of this was clear in his head and his heart, everything on that point was organized. So he failed to understand why he was struggling that much to find the proper label to put on what he felt right now. Hatred. It was hatred. It _had_ to be.

Yet... the rage wasn't there. Or at least it was no the... same kind of rage.

It was not the angry sentiment, the fury making him want to destroy everything around of when he thought of the persons he detested. It was not the sickness either, the nausea forming in his stomach and weakening his body, making him want to vomit or to curl up in a ball and cry his eyes out until he physically couldn't anymore. This was what happened when he had intrusive memories and flashbacks of what these people he loathed did to him. Did _with_ him.

But none of that corresponded with his current feeling, what manifested itself as closer to a... longing. He _wanted_ to outsmart this new vigilante who humiliated him. He wanted to create the perfect puzzle, made especially for him, and watch him dance searching clues to solve his enigma. He wanted it to be concluded by a proper face-to-face meeting, during the one he could take his revenge. He will ask him riddles, and will try to _understand_ how this man's brain worked. He wanted to _deduce_ him, to get how he thought, to analyze what his intelligence was made of exactly, to discover more about him. All of this because he found him truly fascinating.

That... wasn't quite hatred, was it?

"What is today's existential crisis?"

He shot Selina a death glare -because yes, being around the Bat ended up influencing on every Rogues Gallery member's habits...-.

"I am not..."

"Skip the act, Ed.", she jeered. "I know you. Who caused you an emotional crisis this time, Crane or Batsy?"

"... None."

She arched an eyebrow.

"This is the look of when you whine inside over something your violents and/or imaginary boyfriends have done to you.", she argued, while coming closer then sitting on the couch next to him. "Do not lie."

"I am not lying."

She eyed him with disbelief, and he sighed lightly.

"I have no interest or reason to lie to you, you know that.", he went on, and they shared a smile at this.

Edward's current hideout was a quite pleasant apartment. Small, not in an animated part of town, but the ambiance in the living-room was a cozy one. He liked it, it felt relaxing.

It was a fine, quiet atmosphere appropriate to think alone, to try to comprehend what was happening to him. The previous two months at Arkham, after this new guy sent him back there, have been... confusing, to say the least. He woke up in the asylum's hospital and spent most of the time there, before being returned to his cell. Harley and him soon escaped together after this, and now here he was, back in the city.

As ever, Selina was the first one he told he was out of Arkham, and where he settled in town before starting to think of his next scheme. However, he was not seeking for company right away. He still experienced this... confusion, he didn't manage to get past this blurred state haunting him over the past _weeks_. It was... was... what was it?

Maybe Selina would know, after all. Maybe he should just ask her for an advise.

"I want to meet him again.", he decided to tell her accordingly. "The Question.", he clarified seeing her interrogative gaze. "I need to take my revenge on him. I need to make him pay, to show him what it costs to defy me and to make the Riddler loose his mind. I'm gonna _show him_.", he repeated, determined.

Selina's smile turned into something between her well-known predatory grin and the soft, motherly affection she always saved for him. Meaning she will play caring big sister during the evening, but for the moment she _still_ wanted to make fun of him a little.

Thus she recalled, from both what he told her and what she learned and observed when doing quick researches about what happened during his accidental meeting with Question :

"A third odd, tall guy wearing a spooky mask, who knocked you out. This time not because he punched you or injected you with hallucinogenic drugs, but because he _answered_ your riddles. Except that he gave you responses you were not expecting. What did you say they were again? A philosophical approach and related quotes about your enigmas? That his answers weren't wrong, but they were not proper answers either, more like... thoughts about your riddles. And this new approach devoted to prove you there is more than one way to grasp a problem, was so different and unexpected for you, you were incapable to handle it. Instead it resulted in you having a mental breakdown."

As often with Catwoman, it was difficult to tell if she was joking, condescending or showing support.

Although her summary of what he only briefly described to her last week sounded more sarcastic than supportive. He told her a bit about what happened after he just escaped from Arkham again, but added he'll explain all of it further later. First he had to take care of finding a new hideout, plus wanted to be alone in a calm area, to try to find an answer to his... well, _question_  of the moment.

"Indeed, it happened like that.", he confirmed, electing to let the sarcasm aside.

The prospect of an argument was not a tempting one for him right now, so he wisely chose not to make her note she acted a bit _sharp_ and not very _sympathetic_ so far. He rather pursued, not knowing where the sudden husky tone in his voice came from : 

"But he is not like the others. Neither like any other heroes or villains I fought, nor like... Jon and Batman. He... he is _different_."

"Is he?", she asked, her smug attitude slowly drifting into concern, the one she never conveyed in front of anyone else than him.

There she was, big sister/mommy Selina. Eddie smiled more openly. In the end _this_ was certainly the kind of attention he wanted, maybe even _needed_ at this moment.

"Because to me.", she went on. "Someone who hurt you and caused you both psychological and physical wounds while claiming he can prove he is smarter than you, sounds _exactly_ like the kind of guys you crush on."

"He is not.", he denied again. "He is not like them. And I don't feel _attracted_ to him."

"But you want to see him again.", she rightly pointed out, to what he immediately retorted, his tone suddenly way more passionate :

"And it's killing me inside to not know more about him! I need to discover who he is, I want us to confront our intelligences, I _have_ to understand how he sees the world, what makes him so clever in a way that is so different than mine! Batman is smart but he is a problem solver, just like me. I know how that works. And Jonathan is a scientist, who analyses everything around him and dissects the world until it becomes consistent with what he is looking for. There again, I know how to do that and how to respond to it. But Question?!"

His green eyes shined with the sparkle of interest appearing every time he got a fixation on a new thrilling subject or brilliant idea. He was already _obsessing_.

"I don't understand him!", he went on, more and more excited as he kept talking. "We only met once, so I will need at least another moment with him to collect more data and make more deductions. But... I failed to figure out, during our exchange, how his _brain_ works. It was so new, so different yet so _smart_ at the same time, I couldn't even _handle it!_ I never saw something like that before, and as you know I never managed to react appropriately to things I can't predict, or worse, can't _understand_ !"

"He inflicted you a breakdown, though.", she reminded him, clearly not sure of what to think about this new interest of his. "You may find his mind interesting and all, this man managed to hurt you way more severely than Crane and Batman at your first meeting with them. It took a while for both of them to start causing you actual harm, while this new comer? He _broke_ you a little after just your first, accidental moreover, confrontation!"

Eddie suddenly held his breath, as if he was struck by a realization. Then he jumped from the couch and turned back to his sister, a big smile on his face and an overexaggerated joy radiating from his movements.

"You are right!", he exclaimed, delighted. "This is it, _this_ is why I feel so... bizarre, when I think about him! It's because he did BETTER than Jonathan and Batman! He hurt me more than they did at our first meetings, that's it!", he cried out, triumphant. "I didn't believe I'll ever meet another person able to _get to me_ like they have, but not only has Question done _exactly that_ , he has also done it _faster_ , he has done it _stronger_ , _deeper_ and... better. He is the _first_ person in the whole world who managed to make me question my riddles!!"

He paused and his expression became a  _dreaming_ one, as if he was in the middle of a fantasy; to what Selina shook her head.

"I feel like I told you a dozen times already.", she resigned herself. "Your selection criterias for 'love' are both terrible, unhealthy, masochistic and very weird."

This made him come back to the present, and he slowly calmed down, then sat back next to her. Although his luminous smile didn't leave.

"He is different.", he repeated, still ecstatic. "He is a puzzle, he is... a riddle. _My_ new riddle."

His light green gaze was back at shining with eagerness.

"And I am gonna _solve_ him."

She smiled as well.

"This is getting hot.", she scoffed. "And funny, how I won't have bet you would crush that hard on a _third_ guy."

He blinked.

"I... I am not crushing on him.", he protested, but his voice came out way too unsure and too weak for it to be convincing. "As I said, I only desperately need to see him again and confront him, to evaluate just how much of a match he is and how great our intellects could be together, as adversaries or... partners. I have to learn more about him, to apprehend how different yet how alike his wit truly is to mine. I want to understand, to fully appreciate how beautiful and clever he is."

"... But you aren't crushing on him?", she teased him again, her smirk growing wider when he _blushed_ at the more than obvious reality.

"No...", he said, adorably embarrassed. "I actually... potentially hate him."

This time she laughed.

"Sure Eddie... that's hatred in your eyes."

He pouted pitifully, because how could he argue again?

For sure, he had _a lot_ to plan and serious researches to make about the Question, in order to flawlessly organize their second date... No, not _date_. Their second  _fight_.

As a result, a few things were now very clear in his mind: this was not hatred he felt, it might even be a crush, he needed to see this man again, and... now that she had the information, Selina won't let go of teasing him about it.

 


End file.
